My Journey through Happiness

Like many other people, I have struggled with my weight. Struggling with my weight led to many other insecurities in my life such as with my height, looks and etc... I have gone through trials and tribulations with juggling diets and challenges and gaining weight back. I've lost tons of weight before but it hasn't been until recently that I have realized that my mental state truly effects how I feel about myself and others which tied in to my continuous weight issues. My negative attitude toward myself transcended into every aspect of my life, from school to relationships I had with every person in my life. Last summer, I dated someone that did not treat me well and after that was done, It dawned on me that I needed to reevaluate myself and find out why I would accept such horrible treatment when I very well would tell my friends and others you can do better, you deserve better and anything positive and uplifting. Truth was, I did not like myself. I thought I was not pretty and I was undeserving of being treated well so I accepted the bare minimum from someone. I began to look at myself objectively and ask what would make me feel better about myself? Like would I feel better if I lost weight? or changed my hair? I started to focus my energy on positive things as well as develop my will power. I needed will power to stay on my fitness path and also to remember to never go back to this loser. I told myself I'm going to make him beg me to come back and when he does I'll be strong enough to say no.

Before I knew it, my summer was over and I was back in school. I could no longer fit my clothing, everything was too big. I went shopping and discovered that I dropped 4 pant sizes. I also resurfaced on the social networking scene and sure enough that person I wanted to make regret losing me, did. But even after that I realized that was not truly fulfilling because self satisfaction can not come from anyone other than yourself. I still was not happy so I begin to strip myself of all the things I think I needed to help me feel beautiful. One of my biggest weaknesses was hair. Yes, I was a slave to my weave, don't get me wrong weave isn't bad but it was my attitude about myself that made it a crutch. So I took it out. I had been wearing my hair in a sew in for at least 4 years. I had no clue what to do with my real hair and more importantly I didn't want people to think I was less beautiful without it but I challenged myself.

I had unknowingly developed this weird little habit of daring myself to do things so that I can push myself beyond my comfort zone. The extensions were out and I thought it was only temporary but I began to slowly like the freedom of not worrying if I would be exposed by the wind or frying the health out of my hair. So I began to take care of my mane. I cut about 4 inches off in heat damage last December. I started to feel happier and more comfortable with myself.

All the while I was doing these things, I had also began to make an effort to delve deeper in my spirituality. Soon enough I was building a wiser and stronger connection with God. These elements in my life has lead me to a journey of being a stronger person with a better outlook on myself and other people. I know that these changes have helped me to be more positive and attract more positive things in to my life and be able to know that I am worthy and deserving of good things. Although, I have realized that there is no certain end date to my journey, I am truly enjoying the ride. I hope to inspire and help others who wish to do the same.